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H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y
I have always been perturbed by the English word hypocrisy. But it never needed any explanationwhen I learnt this particular English word, as I grew up in Kerala to become a woman who does not like cooking. It did not need one bit of explanation. Oh! Let me add another word to that knowing list. It is Morality with a capital M.
With all its liberal discourse and emphasis on the “developed” society I live in, there was no need of explanation for anything that I experienced as a romantic and idealistic woman. Not that I am negating the cultural and political histories of Kerala which constitutes it present. I might not even be alive to talk about this today, considering the fact that I am a hybrid offspring, if I was in some other part of the world. Yes. I have smelt my mother. She did smell of starched office going saris, resistance and love. But a society which seems to be emancipated on so many different terrains was one of the most chauvinistic and patriarchal societies I have ever lived in. Yes. We have an expanded middle class. Yes. Our women have been educated. They go to work. Probably everything those good Human Development Indices promise.But why does this fail to translate into shifts in attitudes in our dear liberal society? It is indeed dear to me. I would not engage in this dialogue with it otherwise.
The heightened “economic independence” that women have and is assumed to be equal to their emancipation thoroughly fails just by a nice side way glance one can cast upon the Kerala society. No, it would not be difficult. Because you just you have to use that disapproving glance that is cast upon you if you wear a jeans and walk around any city/town/village in Kerala. No. It is not merely a class thing. You walk into some mall in Calicut. You get this expression. And a month of living in Kerala will tell you that it is our great middle class who are the protectors of this great Malayalee morality. I am not saying that walking in any other city has made me feel safer. Or I am not this kid who suddenly lives in the cities and thinks that cities are the high temples of liberation. Rather all I am trying to say is that with all the liberal talk of a completely “developed” Kerala, where women supposedly enjoy a higher status is farcical in my experience. Also the woman with political opinions is labeled and insulted or at least shunned to a corner, in this “liberal” society. Somehow the woman cooking and nurturing, after she returns from work, does not change in this liberal setup.
Growing up as a girl, the memories not far away, the discomfort I felt with my body as I attained puberty lingered on for so long that I did think the “right” thing to do was to hide under a bundle of clothes even if it meant suffocating in the summers. I know the discomfort a poor widower, my father, feels living alone in the remembrance of his wife- two people who ran away, revolted for love, 25 years ago. But hello! The questions have to come from our macho society who can secretly look at hips with their hypocritical glance but will ask their women to not shake their hips, even if they loved dancing. Why are you not re-marrying? Mol, you are the daughter. The new responsible woman. You should get your father married off to someone. That neighbor who has always smiled, who my mother considered a sister has now been transfigured into CCTV. She is, along with several others, guardians of morality, constantly at the window to survey who enters the house of a widower. Why? Because this sexually frustrated and repressed society cannot think of a man who wants to live with the memories of his wife. Come on! He is a threat to morality! He needs to be saddled up within our comfortable boundaries of marriage and family to be accepted as the high guard of Malayalee morality!
And yes, the daughter who wears jeans, and will “talk” to boys now and does not like to cook is an utter failure. She cannot even harness her father. Somebody needs to harness her too.
HIP-ocrisy needs no explanation for me who grew up in that place.
The Kerala State Women’s Development Corporation Ltd.(KSWDC)
Opp. Manmohan Bunglow, Kowdiar Post, Thiruvananthapuram-695 003, India.
0471-2727668, 
9496015015, 9496015016 
0471-2316006
E-mail : info@kswdc.org, head@kswdc.org
Dear Admin / Author /
Dear Admin / Author / Thinker, One must remember that the majority of 'modern' or 'traditional' social practices in The Holy Land - be it in KL, KA, TN, AP or MH, are neither traditional nor part of our heritage. As for the modern Malayalee's 'morals', they're hardly traditional or even part of our heritage a lot of the time. For instance, I saw Meera Nair's movie and she quotes the Manusmrithi as stating that widows must be isolated and treated like so-and-so... Having read the Manusmrithi myself, and being trained in Smskrth, I can confirm that she's more likely to have gotten that text from a blog or one of her own works. There is NO such statement in the Manusmrithi. But the damage had been done - the millions of uneducated fools who saw the movie automatically presumed that our great heritage has always pushed women back. Far from... men made way for women-folk when they walked by - if you don't believe me, read Marco Polo's accounts of his travel in KL as recently as 800 years ago. Women chose whom they would marry - with the approval and blessings of the family and community, of course. But the choice was always theirs... Back then, our society was not the sexually repressed mechanism it is today. Influences from repressive belief-systems such as Islam and Christianity have invaded the very fabric of our social mechanism. Sad, but true. Many 'traditions' followed in our society are relatively new. the idea of Dowry, for instance, is predominantly from West Asia (the Arabs etc.) and Europe (where Dowry was used to 'sell' off the girl traditionally) The idea of Sati is that IF and only IF the wife wishes to gain Karmic points, she will immolate herself on the same pyre as her husband. A husband whose wife does decide to do so is considered blessed, as is the lady who chooses to do so. Sati is a concept - forcing it on women is more of a socio-political act than anything remotely connected to 'tradition'. As a matter of fact, the scriptures clearly mention that it is the choice of the individual, and not of the community / family. Similarly, I'm sure you think 'god' is an ancient Indian concept. It's not. Imagine - in the Veda, the concept of 'god' i.e. a supernatural person who punishes and rewards people, and rapes / kills / plunders when he's angry (ever read the bible or koran?) does not exist. Rather, in our Vedic system, we have Entities - who govern various aspects of cosmic existence - these entities are neither supernatural nor immortal, as they're subject to the SAME laws of Karma that we humans are... how does 'god' fit into this, I wonder... after all, 'god' is a biblical character who scares, threatens, bullies, kills and lies (go read the bible sometime, luv). For instance, Lord Shiva will face the same Karmic retribution for his actions as, say, you, or Sonia Gandhi would. Of course, his levels of Karmic existence are very different from yours, as is his awareness level or consciousness. He's not 'god' in any sense of the word. He's more of a Cosmic Civil Servant whose position is Karmically filled in every cycle... i.e. you or I could be the next Lord Shiva or Devi Parvathi or Surya or Agni if our Karma is so aligned. I guess what I'm saying is that if these 'educated' Malayalees realised that most of their thinking and practices have little to do with the great heritage they come from, we might see a paradigm shift. The very best with your quest - and I share your sadness at the hypocritical lives lived in KL and other parts of The Holy Land... Cry the beloved country.
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